Your Silence is Gold: Toxic people.

Throughout your life you will come to realize that some people just don’t like you. Especially if you are one of those hopeless people pleasers like me you might wonder “But why?” I did all the right things or more likely ‘I hardly know this person.’

Big mistake. The golden rule in falling out with people for no reason is to never give it a second thought and never look back.  Some people are not here to make friends and are not here to make peace with others or with themselves. They often do not realize that and usually moan about others having the blame for anything bad happens in their lives.

I remember when I was in Beijing there was a girl in my Chinese language school that always put on a sour face when I was around. I never understood why. I hardly knew her and I had never had a real conversation with her. I could not find any reasonable explanation for her unfriendliness. Once I was invited for lunch by a friend to join a big international group of people at a Thai restaurant. When we got there I realized she had organized the whole thing and did not look happy to see me.  I still had a good time chatting with the whole group.

In the end she came forward “I don’t remember inviting you today” she said. My friend quickly retorted ¨I invited her” he said.  This small lesson in life has shown me this simple truth about some people: the more you try to figure them out, the more you waste your time.  

People don’t really communicate with words. Words can be used to mask intentions or verbalize hate that is already present. Words are just the cover. You already know who wishes you well and who wishes you bad and you can feel it just by sitting next to them, looking in their eyes, interacting with them.  You just know when a person’s words come from the heart.

Toxic people love words. They can go on and on about facts and incidents which aimed to undermine them, and that in a chronological order and in every detail. They obsess over things said between two parties which are recorded in their minds with frightening accuracy.  They take pride in “exposing” others through their obsession with dates, numbers, and words. They have no feelings of empathy.

Next time you try to figure out why you let that toxic person in your life, remember that you waited around long enough until this person turned their anger towards you. You have probably seen him/her in the past hating other people for no real reason and you have felt chills from their anger just by sitting next to them . You just thought it was ok because their anger was seemingly not directed at you.

You cannot make peace with toxic people. They cannot make peace with themselves.

Just let them be and move on.

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