The one that got away: advice for broken hearts

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We all have one that got away. Even the most happily married, the most seriously committed. We all have one person that did not succumb to our charms and did not fall in our trap.

There are those who have passionately condemned this person as a troubled commitmentphobe, an asexual loser, a victim of her/his own ignorance and thus have found peace in their own bitter verdict. And there are those who will endlessly wonder on a rainy night what really happened, what really went wrong and burden their minds with whys and what ifs.

If you belong in the second group a word of advice: Don’t waste more energy. It is a fact of life that we all have one that got away, and don’t flatter yourself that you should have been the exception. Yes, you liked that person and yes you felt a special way when you were together. But think of it this way, especially if you are a lady: Love is like an online buy. Imagine for example that you are web browsing on Zalando and while you browse, let’s say shoes, you find that perfect pair of Italian design heels, the perfect color, the best leather. Do you know what really makes it irresistible to buy?

It is not on sale and if it is there is a special warning attached to it that this item will soon sell out. The item oozes adrenaline and desirability. With sweaty trembling fingers you reach for your credit card, even if this item is a bit “out of your league” financially. You follow me so far? Just when you are about to click “buy” you change your mind and decide to wait a bit longer, your finances in mind making you have a bit of a guilty conscience. After having a few rounds around the house pretending to be busy you go back to the computer,credit hard in hand, determined. It’s now or never. In absolute horror you realize that your shoe size is sold out. You cannot believe how it slipped through your fingers just like that. No pair of shoes will ever look that perfect.

But please do realize. Just like shoes, the one that got away’s irresistible charm is his unavailability. It’s the missed opportunity and the non existent scenario. And in case you tell yourself it was you that “pushed the person away”, this is not true either. You don’t need to push a person away for them to want to stay away from you. It is perfectly normal and it happens every day.

All this might sound harsh and unfair but dear friend one thing is for sure: You are a million times better off tonight eating peanut butter off your tv remote, I can promise you that.

And if your hopeless romanticism still doesn’t allow you to find peace in your heart, don’t lose faith. You will always have Paris.

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