Highlights of parenthood: Confessions of a Gerber mom.

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Since I became a mom I began noticing a million things I never cared to notice before. For instance, all these women walking around pushing baby strollers, wearing sweatpants and make up free faces, carrying heavy bags with milk bottles, baby wipes and who knows what else… none of it was flashy and glitzy enough to make me look twice. For both sexes, the image of these women evokes only one word in mind. Mom. And the interest in them as persons and individuals ends there.

Now that I walk the streets pushing a stroller 99% of the times I realize I too look like a mom. I too didn’t have the time to put make up on (or did not care), and my sweatpants have milk stains on. (which I notice after I leave the house and decide not to go back). And that’s ok. I know nobody will really care, simply because everyone will simply think I am a mom. There is nothing enigmatic or mysterious about me, my milk stains or the bags under my eyes. Everybody can guess how they came into being.

So life has changed dramatically. Sometimes friends ask me if I now feel complete if I have found the meaning of life. I find the question a bit annoying but always refrain from saying out loud how naïve it is to think having kids will sort you out. They are likely however to change the nature or focal point of your problems and worries (your original neurosis staying the same).

I could not quote all the ways life has changed. The question should not be “what has changed?” but rather “what has remained the same?” The answer would probably be only my personal thoughts and things going on in my head.

Among random things I discovered while being a mom and highlights of parenthood are:

The bathroom can become a refuge. We no longer wonder why we feel bliss when we want to use the loo. Very often we take a tablet or a book along to have a few minutes of peace.

I am ready to scream “no more” and cry in frustration and then she does something and I cry from laughter. She is capable of manipulating my mood within seconds and I find myself in awe over my own feelings.

I appreciate going out more. There were times before the baby when we were feeling bored or tired to leave the house and preferred to stay in a watch a movie. If we get a baby free night nowadays we head to a nightclub.

I have embraced an energy saving lifestyle. Control freaks like me find themselves in a situation where they have lost control of things. Life has not gone exactly as planned or imagined and that’s ok. Fretting over it takes up a lot of energy, which is needed for other things.

Healthy stuff for the baby If only I had a penny for every time a parent proudly tells me their child eats “only organic”, “loves broccoli” and “has never used a milk bottle cause he/she is always breastfeeding”. I seriously believe that it is not that all parents have turned into health freaks but that for some reason only health freaks have children nowadays. (The rest of them -you know, the Gerber type- are too busy doing other things. ) Now I never cook broccoli because it stinks and the bedroom is next to the kitchen. I also use formula since day one. But I try to make food as healthy as possible and mix foods and tastes.

Finally, secretly fantasizing about owning a Japanese robot nanny that will do all the hard work: change the diapers, prepare baby meals, entertain the baby with songs and activities, etc. Tired parents can give orders from the sofa with a remote control in hand. What an amazing invention would that be.

Commenting on the Comment War: The superficial age of outsmarting (dedicated to the Matt Walsh post)

Lately I have seen a number of interesting yet provocative and controversial online posts about different aspects of motherhood. I say controversial because they attract a plethora of online reactions, apparently from people who, judging by the context of their comment, shouldn’t be interested in reading in the first place.

“Motherhood simplified your life? OH PLEASE!!! All my friends became selfish self centered and boring after having kids!!!” on Lauren Laverne’s Having a Baby will simplify your Life or on one of my all time favorite posts by Matt Walsh You are a stay at home Mom what do you do all day? “OH PLEASE!!! I work full time and STILL have to take care of my kids when I go home!! In fact I work all day!!!” or “B***hit My parents are both successful psychologists working full time throughout my childhood and I am SOOO normal!!”.

Of course open comments are meant to do just that, allow people to express their personal views and opinions and thus create and ongoing debate. But very often I do wonder how people read and comprehend an opinion article. For one thing both pieces mentioned describe life lessons learnt, and life discrepancies observed and they are all drawn from sincere personal experiences. And there is something more. In Matt Walsh’s piece for example I love how obvious and yet intangible is his love for his wife. How noble is his desire in his writing to protect her from obnoxious people and defend her against social madness that sees her role as a mother as an obstacle to being someone. And by doing the above declare how invaluable is her contribution to his life and the family. His intention behind his post was sincere and true.

And yet there were numerous comments accurately reflecting the kind of negativity the author observes in his post: Women berating other women and bragging about how busy they are, exactly by doing what he described as confusing being busy with being important. It is their right to do so but it just sad. How can you really reject a piece written with honesty and love that reflects the soul of the writer?

Ernest Hemingway had said about writing “All you have to do is write one true sentence, write the truest sentence that you know.” What can be truer than a reflection of one’s soul? Because today we are continuously being drawn to the idea that one version of truth does not exist. All our thoughts and beliefs can be refuted. Even though that applies to many essential philosophical questions, it sadly also applies to moral responsibility. We have seen it in politics, society, tv shows. Being the bad guy is socially acceptable, even desirable. There are after all always two sides of the same coin.

But there is something true. It is what comes from your soul. I don’t believe all people have a soul, even though in theory they are supposed to. But to write a “true sentence” you have to have a reader that will read it with “truth”. A reader with soul. One that will not seek to destroy it with popular punch lines that reflect what is socially acceptable.

I do enjoy writing and reading comments as well as online debates. But I do wish fellow readers and writers to always read, think and write with truth.